Red—Heller’s favorite color. Courageous and bold. Remarkable, confident, and full of life. I miss those bright red walls. The colors now are quiet, soft, and muted. The colors now are safe.
The stenciling over his closet speaks to my heart, “Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light.” Nicholas plays in Heller's room sometimes—“Heller’s room” it will remain. Nicholas knows those things which we hold special, what cannot change, what cannot be touched. He tries as hard as a three-year-old can to keep the room safe.
The closet doors stay closed. Behind them are treasures. “Please can I play with Heller’s guitar?” Nicholas asks. Within the closet, Heller’s guitar rests quietly. Heller’s guitar is safe.
Today, Nicholas was granted his wish. Today, Nicholas played with Heller’s guitar.
Although my comforter is red (Heller would have liked that), and the guitar is a perfect fit in Nicholas’s arms, I am continuing to play it safe.
Heller’s guitar is back in the closet. One day, Heller’s guitar will belong to Nicholas (Heller would have loved that).
Until then, I will build my strength. I know that I will eventually emerge into the light, and, I’m looking forward to the music Nicholas will play when I am finally there.
It will be RED.
Heller plays his new guitar - October 2005
1 comment:
Not only do your words move me to tears but so do your images. I swear - each image of yours that I see gets richer than the next.
Love to you.
k8
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